A MAJOR PROBLEM WITH COMPETITION CULTURE

It’s insightful to see how people think when they’re in the throes of standardized (or competition) culture. This has come up with my clients a lot over the years— the concept that other people are adversaries rather than accelerants.

For about 30-some-odd years, I, too, was a victim of that mindset. For it, I hid from other people, things, experiences, etc. I believed fully that the whole world would judge me as inept.

I have learned that if you feel this way, it was the system that failed you by not highlighting your unique gifts. The reason you believe everyone is an adversary is because of the structure of the system you were reared in… To break out of it, you must learn a valuable skill, and that is to be OK with the stuff you’re not good at.

I want the takeaway of this piece to be: “You are meant to do great things.” REMEMBER THAT.

No matter what, please use your brain in the “Yes, and” fashion to return to this statement. THIS IS the takeaway. You are meant to do great things.

I have to preface with that because I know I will say some harder truths here. NO MATTER WHAT, the takeaway of this piece is that “you are meant to do great things.”

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Shalane Flanagan, an incredible athlete and winner of the 2017 New York City Marathon, was the first person I heard use this phrase: Race your strengths, train your weaknesses.

Standardized education taught us a lie that you should be STRONG in all areas. In each area, math, science, writing, PHYS ED, you should be the strongest. You should be able to run a mile in six minutes AND climb a rope. You should be able to get an A in Organic Chemistry AND write a Pulitzer Prize-winning essay. History, social studies, English… “YoU MuSt gEt aN A.” 🍆💦

For a long time, Andee Scarantino never had to worry about “getting an A.”

I was bright for my entire academic career. I rarely studied, and that worked well for me. But then, something happened in 11th grade. I got to Trigonometry, and all of a sudden, my brain just … didn’t do it.

I had a good friend who took all of the same classes as I did, and together we would get matching grades. I asked for his help explaining things to me but it didn’t matter what he said. My brain just… didn’t. do. it.

I passed that class with a 70. (It was a D.) The following year, I made one of the few choices our 2,000-student, K-12, one-building DISTRICT allowed for: Calculus or Advanced English. Guess which one I picked?

I didn’t beat myself up over the D. I realized that my brain just didn’t understand numbers like that. I don’t know what happened. Somehow, it just stopped “getting it” in Algebra 2, and by Trigonometry, it just… couldn’t anymore. I could feel that there was a function inside that just didn’t work that way.

To no surprise, my counterpart went to undergrad for Accounting, got an MBA, and still holds a pretty high office in Finance to this day. Imagine that.

*Race your strengths. * I have a friend who is a business wizard. She can walk down a street and see one million opportunities to create money. It’s a God-given gift.

I don’t have this God-given gift. I can train it, but it will not just appear in my consciousness naturally, any more than my brain understands numbers.

Now, knowing and understanding human behavior for me is a God-given gift. Social finesse? God-given gift. Active listening and impeccable memory? God-given gift. Voice and power in voice? GOD-GIVEN GIFT.

Creating money from air? Weakness.

I train the skill of creating income, but it is akin to my Trigonometry. I will always need others to help me with it, and I’ll likely need to pay others to teach me how those systems work. On the other hand, I don’t need to be taught how humans work. My eyes see it on their own.

I’m going to return to this piece's main message: “You are meant to do great things.”

I see a lot of writers who struggle endlessly with writing.

I do believe writing is a skill that can be trained, and I believe that writing is one of the most useful skills to train. Your voice can bring out a lot from your inner world. However, for some people, this will be your strength. For others, it will be your Trigonometry.

I often say, “Not everyone is a writer,” and perhaps that may trigger people who coach writers. They might believe that I think people should just “give up” on writing, and then they wouldn’t have value or purpose.

Here’s the truth: It’s because not everyone is a writer that those people have a job.

I don’t need to hire a writing coach. I knew I was a writer since childhood when I couldn’t wait to learn to string words together. I don’t need help to pull things from the darkest part of my soul. I own that god-given gift. But many people do not.

For those people who do not, they have to train that weakness.

The thing is, if you need that training, there’s likely something else that is meant to be your lead card.

For me, “business” is my trigonometry. I choose to train that weakness because I want to share my actual gifts with the world. (Same as you might want to train your writing.)

I accept wholly that I will not have the business function of my brain be impeccable any more than I’ll have a mind for engineering. (Every time I take apart something and try to reconstruct it, there will be a non-functional lump with extra parts left over.)

If writing is your Trigonometry, it is likely the thing you can use to supplement your gifts, but isn’t gonna be the thing you lead with. And that is a good thing.

The culture we have in the West of “be the best at everything” not only doesn’t serve us, but it’s impossible to achieve

I think now more than ever, we’re seeing how this doesn’t work with the rise in awareness about neurodiversity.

We’re learning now (thanks in part to amazing humans like Perry Knoppert, who created The Octopus Movement) that ALL BRAINS work differently. All brains, particularly those of people who do not think linearly, have a unique function in the world, and celebrating that diversity is extremely aligned with Vedantic philosophy. We have a unique form, fit, and function. We are meant to be as we are. Going against that tires you out and makes you feel unworthy.

2009, The Story of My High School and Mandatory Tutoring

My brother was diagnosed with Autism 30 years ago. Back then, few people (on average) knew much about neurodiversity.

In 2009, when my brother was a senior in high school, my parents had to go to due process with the school district.

The short version is that at the time, my alma mater was one of the poorest-ranking schools state-wide in the state school assessment test. The district received much criticism and developed a curriculum to improve the scores. Basically, what they did was “teach the test.”

To boot, they required anyone who didn’t score above the basic level on the state school assessment to attend approximately 80 required hours of tutoring several days a week after school until 5:30 p.m. If students didn’t attend the tutoring, they could not graduate on stage with their class and would receive diplomas in the mail.

Well, my brother is neurodivergent. He not only had an individualized education program (IEP) since he entered school, which omitted some of the necessary curriculum to score above “basic” in some areas, but his brain simply… didn’t work that way.

He could have attended 6,000 hours of tutoring… he likely wouldn’t have scored above Basic.

So… my parents went to due process, and my brother did not have to attend the tutoring. He graduated on stage. Some of his classmates did not attend, and did not graduate on stage.

I was angry about that for a long time.

I think this is truly where my hatred of standardized education began… Right there. Right there, in Old Forge, Pennsylvania.

Form, fit, function

I have a client who is like my high school “helped me with Trig” buddy in that she has a gift for numbers. Her brain works that way.

When she started to recognize that this was a gift she had and that not everyone has this gift, she began to recognize that other people have gifts, too. She began to see how the gifts of others complement her gifts.

For example, someone she works with has a tremendous gift of social intelligence. It comes naturally to that person, whereas my client has to work a little harder at it. She learned that passing off some tasks that have more to do with the social intelligence side of things was not “passing the buck” but rather empowering the other human to use their gift. It also frees up her energy to use her own gifts.

Acknowledging your gift is not selfish. It is what you’re designed to do. Shining brightly in one area does not mean others are dim.

What I have experienced from every human I have ever coached is the simple desire they have to be themselves. Then, a lot of our work is just erasing all of the garbage beliefs they have installed that keep them from being that.

Humans are not standard. They’re unique.

Competition culture is a mess, and what you were taught in standardized education just isn’t realistic.

Who do you want to be? What do you want to see?

The great news is, that’s who you’re supposed to be. You fit, as you are.

Race your strengths.